That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
