This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
