So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
dude. I can hear the air.
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