Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
