This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
