Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
