Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
