I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
