he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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