don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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