chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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