He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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