he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
home. puking in laundry basket.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
