I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
