yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Found your dick twin last night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
