she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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