I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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