dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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