This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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