Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
