Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
