I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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