I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
