i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
