I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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