My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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