this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
