She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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