Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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