I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
