Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize