Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
