Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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