He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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