im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize