so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
