And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
