yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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