Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
