matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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