I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
