That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
