I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
