How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
