Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
pray to the hookup gods
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize