Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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