Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hippo gnu deer
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
