i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
