What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
