Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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