ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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