Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
