Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
