Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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