smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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