Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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