I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
