my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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