I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
