So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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