I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
